Procreation, and Other Ways to Pass the Time

In a PopWreck world, there honestly is no better way to celebrate losing your kids to K-Fed than having even more unprotected sex. Just ask Britney, who has reportedly been e-mailing her friends saying, “Oops, I did it again!” Now, logically one would assume that court dates and SRS visits would serve as a red flag for further fornication, but apparently procreating with the producer is simply too tempting to turn down. “Britney’s not looking for another husband,” an unnamed source has been quoted as saying “But she does like having a man in her life.”

Personally, I think she should be looking for a condom.

In other white trash news, Amy Winehouse has a note from her doctor excusing her from her tour. “The rigors involved in touring and the intense emotional strain that Amy has been under in recent weeks have taken their toll,” said Winehouse representative Tracey Miller in a statement Tuesday. “In the interests of her health and well-being, Amy has been ordered to take complete rest and deal with her health issues.”

It’s pretty clear however that “health issues” is simply code for “co-dependency of her enabler of a husband Blake Fielder-Civil, who was held in custody in London earlier this month on charges stemming from a pending case in which he is allegedly assaulted a bartender in June. ” Mouthful.

“I can’t give it my all on stage without my Blake,” Winehouse said in a statement provided by Miller. “I’m so sorry, but I don’t want to do the shows halfheartedly; I love singing. My husband is everything to me and without him, it’s just not the same.”

We understand Amy. We never thought it was the drugs. No. No. No.

However, stay tune for other advances in pop-star stupidity. It’s been a few days since Lindsay or Paris have managed to help the paparazzi pay their rent, so surely they must have something up their sleeves.

OMFG No Way!

Choire* and Emily are leaving Gawker.
If this means nothing to you, I don’t ever want to talk to you.**

Mourn it, bitches.

*My condolences to the son this will leave orphaned.
**Iz emoshunal, pls send halp!!1!

A "Rotten" Career Move

As if one incident surrounding Guitar Hero wasn’t enough this world, former Sex Pistol Johnny Rotten was chosen earlier this week to promote the release of Guitar Hero 3. And well, he sort of did, if by promoted you simply mean appeared. Twelve seconds into his evening, he had already ripped the game to shreds, stating, “I fucking loved it! And the kids loved it more. What I liked was it weren’t [sic] teaching you how to be a rock star, it was teaching you how not to be a rock star. How not to be an asshole in your your life. And how not to seek fame and fortune, because the whole things is a fucking joke!” So much for the shameless plug right? But wait, there’s more. Having already been given a soapbox in which to be an asshole from, Rotten proceeds to rants and cuss about Malcolm Maclaren, politics, random members of the press, and living abroad. I imagine that this will easily go down as one of the worst business investments of the year. Money well spent guys! Johnny Rotten for spokes model of the year!

And with that I present you with Johnny Rotten Unleashed.

Project Runway

So actually having to do work at my job (I know, right?!) and having gone out last night made this post much later than intended. Whoops. So I missed last week’s episode because I was out getting drunk with my friends. I did hear Sarah Jessica Parker was the guest judge and the challenge revolved around her crappy clothing line, Bitten. Victorya won and Marion was auf‘d, which I know because of the wonderful two-minute rundown of last week’s episode just before this week’s actually began.

This week saw a Project Runway first, creating men’s wear for Tiki Barber for his appearance on The Today Show. I’m happy to see Tiki on a daily morning talk show rather than once a week on the football field; I’m an Eagles fan and he was a Giant, not a friendly rivalry. The designers had $150 budget and however many hours to create a look for the retired pro-football star. Most of the contestants had never made men’s wear before so a lot of the outfits turned out to be a hot mess, which the lovely Mrs. Ginny Barber came in to critique/hassle the poor designers halfway through their work.

Jillian Lewis – Her outfit looked pretty nice, but nothing special.
Carmen Webber – That hot mess I was talking about? Yeah, her. Homegirl didn’t make a shirt. A shirt! What was she thinking?!
Christian – HOT outfit. I’d have picked him as the winner I think. He’s a cocky little gay, though.
Kit – It looked like her model was ready to mingle with the cast of Gossip Girl at prep school, though it was pretty classic. My biggest complaint was that the jacket should’ve had two buttons instead of just the one.
Rami – I think my grandpa has a jacket just like the one he made for Tiki.
Sweet P – SO sloppy and very cartoon-y. The neck was too big, the tie was too long, another hot mess.
Steven Rosengard – The waist was too high but not a hot mess.
Victorya – Not awful but definitely not the challenge winner again.
Kevin Christiana – Very nice and totally sexy. I love it. Ginny Barber, take notes. The judges decided it was more David Beckham (shown) thank Tiki Barber, but I’m of the opinion that every male should aspire to be more like David Beckham. Yum!
Chris March – Too blah as it was all one color. Boring.
Jack – Too many stripes for my taste but it was definitely one of the best outfits presented!
Ricky – Pins holding hems, dull colors and just another hot mess. And honestly, what a crybaby, please get auf‘d ASAP!
Elisa – My favorite nut job. Needed to lose the vest but I liked the outfit on the whole.

Winner – Jack
Bottom Two – Carmen and Ricky
Auf‘d – Carmen, bummer! Ricky sucks way more, and Carmen is a model! No more pretty girls left. Tear. Jack, gay and HIV pos aside, he’s eye candy so I hope he keeps winning.

Gossip Girl – "Blair Waldorf Must Pie!"

Gossip Girl got it right last week; They aired a rerun in honor of the holiday eve knowing that I would be out getting drunk with my friends. This week is brand new and we get to meet Blair’s until-now absent and very geigh father. Nice.

The last new episode left it off with Serena walking in on Chuck and Blair getting hot and heavy, yet it was barely mentioned this week and there was no Chuck to be seen. A week late, Gossip Girl focused on this Thanksgiving holiday and contrasted it with Thanksgiving Last. On Thanksgiving Last, Dan saved a drinkdrankdrunk Serena from getting hit by a cab, Blair was bulimic, Blair’s dad was still in the picture and not yet gay, S and B and Nate get into a water fight in B’s bathroom, and Nate’s dad’s drug problem is alluded to.

Thanksgiving This starts off with Serena saying how this will be the first Thanksgiving she remembers in a long time. Drew Barrymore aside, how many 15 year-olds have drinking problems? Oh, the lives of the Upper West Siders. Blair and Serena get in a fight prompting Blair to uninvite Serena and fam from her annual Thanksgiving dinner which brings together every single person on the UWS. The Van Der Woodsens end up at Dan’s family’s place in Brooklyn (so DUMBO and not Williamsburg) where the beans are spilled that Dan’s dad and Serena’s mom used to have sex, weirding out Dan and Serena, of course. Dan’s mom (who should‘ve been played by Sarah Michelle Gellar) then becomes hostile like whoa to Serena’s mom.

Blair’s mom is a cunt by telling Blair’s dad to not come to dinner because Blair can’t stand him since he left (quite the opposite of the truth). She also encourages B to have a bulimic relapse by giving her a whole pie to binge on. Nate’s mom is an enabler to her mean and drug-addicted husband who decided it was a good idea to take 30 Vicodin and some whiskey “for a headache.” Guess which family got to spend Thanksgiving in the hospital!

The most important thing that happens is Blair, when she shows up with Serena to Dan’s apartment, announces that Dan has a garage door in the middle of his room. Finally someone calls attention to it. Crazy Brooklyn apartments! Life all the way down there is just soooo terribly different from the UWS. Oh, and I absolutely loved that gold jacket Serena wore in the beginning of Thanksgiving This and Blair has wonderful hair, always. What in-depth analysis.

Everything ends happily as the Humphrey family plays football unconvincingly somewhere in Brooklyn (DUMBO!), the Van Der Woodsens eat fries in some crappy diner, and Blair and her mom make-up over some dessert.

Quote of the night:
“There’s nothing wrong with Chinese food on Thanksgiving. The Jews have been doing it on Christmas since forever.” – Mama Van Der Woodsen
So true. Oh, the Jews.

Finding Rock in the Lower 48: Alabama

I recently finished Chuck Klosterman’s Killing Yourself to Live, a book about an epic road trip to research the reasoning behind the fame that comes with rockstar death. This inspired me and left me with a great desire to do something on a grand scale. However, I’ve since realized that gas is $3.29 a gallon, and I don’t work for SPIN magazine. So the decision was made to be grand from my couch, hence an epic-blog theme.

I’ve decided that PopWreck will be featuring a 48 part mini-series, highlighting the best of local music in each of the landlocked states. I’m calling this “Finding Rock in the Lower 48.” And I want you guys to play along in the comment boxes. Add and highlight bands that we might have missed. Push discussion. It will only help these bands, and getting them exposure is what we’re here for.

So lets get started. We’re casting off in Alabama simply because alphabetically, it comes first. Logical right? So here goes:

Local Standout:
The Bridges – Oxford

Brittany Painter’s Vocals remind me so much of Jenny Lewis’s solo album, Rabbit Fur Coat, that I find myself playing the two groups back to back virtually every time I give one a listen. Now, don’t get me wrong, this is not a problem that I mind having because both Lewis and The Bridges are quite brilliant at lending just enough country twang to their perfectly constructed and catchy rock riffs. Then there are the lyrics, which could easy stand out on their own, without the support of such beautifully composed melodies.

Featuring a somewhat unexplainable blend of indie rock, alt-country, pop and folk, The Bridges manage to find a sound that is able to appeal to all types of listeners. And for good reason.

It’s my pleasure to introduce you to The Bridges, the ideal soundtrack of emotional storytelling.

The Bridges’ Myspace
The Bridges’ Tagworld
The Bridges’ Facebook

Honorable Mention:
Cassino – Huntsville

There is nothing more indie than the way Cassino is making music. Without label representation or management of any kind, band members Nick Torres and Tyler Odom have successfully risen from the ashes of their former project, Northstar. Cassino’s only album, Sounds of Salvation, is a self-released, self produced testament to what music is all about – taking risks, finding new ways to express catharsis, and simply being creative. But I don’t really need to sell you because their music will.

Cassino’s Website
Myspace
PureVolume

The Rewinds – Birmingham

The Rewinds site their influences as The Pixies, The Flaming Lips, Big Star, Guided by Voices, and Superdrag. Fucking rad, right? But what kicks ass beyond that is the fact that those influences truly bleed through within The Rewinds’ music. Catchy guitar riffs and blended vocals contribute to the success of this band’s ability to pull off a sound that most people have forgotten existed. A sound that I honestly believe that the world could use more of.
And for that, I thank God for the Rewinds.

The Rewinds’ Website
The Rewinds’ Myspace

Dan Sartain – Birmingham

Before today I had never heard the word “ghettotech” used to describe music. Hell, I still don’t really know what it means because Dan Sartain is rockabilly, with slight punk influences slipped in from time to time. Think The Horrorpops without the Suicide Girl image. Now what that has to do with a ghetto is way beyond me, but let’s just go with it because the music is really quite good. And no title will ever change that.
Ghettotech it is.

Dan Sartain’s Website
Dan Sartain’s Myspace

Eliot Morris – Mobile

Eliot Morris does not need our help when it comes to exposure. He has already helped himself by catching the eye of Gary Gersh, the man responsible for discovering Nirvana, Counting Crows, Hole, and Mars Volta. That’s not a bad group of names to be in the company of. He’s already toured with John Mayer, Counting Crows, and James Taylor. He hardly needs PopWreck.

However, there is a chance that you might need him. His lyrics are touching and heartfelt, and seem very much like the conversations we cherish while laying in bed next to someone we love, as we fight to stay awake so that the moment doesn’t end. His ability to capture that in an album makes it work a listen or two, even if he doesn’t need us to.

Eliot Morris’s Website
Eliot’s Myspace
Eliot’s PureVolume

Lindsey Hinkle – Crossroads

Lindsey Hinkle might be brilliant in that simple sort of way. Listening to her sing feels very similar to catching up with old friends in that neighborhood bar down the street from your childhood home over the Thanksgiving holiday. Her down-to-Earth sound makes her easy to listen to, and even easier to comprehend, thanks to her decisive attention to detail. To let Lindsay speak for herself: “I have a lot of high goals and aspirations. Every song I write has a piece of my heart in it. I hope my songs can help people go through the same things I have or change their lives the way some songs have changed mine. Music has healed a lot of wounds for me and it’s given my life a soundtrack. I want my songs to be on someone’s soundtrack and I want them to smile, cry, or laugh when they hear it. I want to make my little mark in music history and I want my music to change lives for generations to come.”

Lindsey’s Website
Lindsey’s Myspace

Next stop: Arizona, home of the Grand Canyon, a lot of sand, and a whole lot of color.

America’s Next Top Model

There was no Wednesday Rundown last week due to the imbibing that occurs with holiday eves. I found out from the first two minutes of this week’s ep that the model-wannabes went to Shanghai and Lisa was booted, which, good! Girl is fug.

Last night included the Top 5 Go-Sees in Shanghai in which each girl had a translator and 6 hours to go on as many Go-Sees (up to five) as possible. The designers were (no one I’ve ever heard of and I’ve worked in fashion)Lu Kun, Flora Zeta, Helen Lee, Fiona Vong, and House of Mercury (actually I’ve heard of HoM). Heather got totally lost and only managed one go-see. Bianca was the fierce little thing she is while Saleisha kissed all the designers asses and didn’t help a sister out when Bianca only had to walk upstairs to see a designer that Saleisha had just come from. Bianca went all the way back out to wherever her cab was just to turn around and go to the building she’d just come from. Jenah looked like a slob and was rude and Chantal wore the wrong kind of underwear and had a crappy walk.

According to Lu Kun, Saleisha is “so pretty but dull” and Jenah looks like Christy Turlington.
House of Mercury says Bianca is edgy and she’s got character. Flora Zeta would use “Chantal for print work, but catwalk, not yet.” As for Heather, Flora “love(s) her look but Heather has to work on her runway walk.” Helen Lee thought “Saleisha [is] very nice” and Fiona Vong didn’t really have much at all to say. Traffic in Shanghai is about a million times worse than traffic in NYC (um, what!?) so 3 of the 5 girls were late (between 15 and 40 minutes late) getting back to the fashion house they needed to meet at for the challenge. Only Saleisha and Bianca were eligible to win and I pretty much called Bianca as the winner, ’cause Saleisha sucks and is a brown noser.

The photoshoot that followed the challenge was pretty stereotypically Asian; dragons and gold and Asian-y things. Noted fashion photog and panel judge Nigel Barker shot the girls (no, no, with a camera, not the way you were hoping). During the shoot, Jenah didn’t “bring it” but her photo turned out to be really hot. Saleisha was all sexpot-y and turned out a picture which revealed that, in addition to being “interesting, fluid, daring, and edgy.” Damn, girl. Bianca looked fierce throughout the shoot but her picture was only meh. Chantal’s poses were forced but her photo was strong, albeit kind of scary. Heather, not so gret aktully. She has AWFUL posture but her shot was pretty hot which was probably pure luck. And seriously, could the viewers PLEASE vote for a different Cover Girl of the Week? Wah, she’s got Aspergers, get over it, she has.

Heather and Jenah were this week’s bottom two and despite Jenah’s bad attitude and constant state of dishevelment, she moved on and it was zai jian Heather. Well she can’t be Cover Girl of the Week anymore, thank jeesbus! And what the hell is with Tyra? Too much plastic surgery or botox maybe ’cause homegirl is looking all wide-eyed and alien-like.
Next week: Bejing!